blur

i want to be remembered. who does not want to? as my departure from US is fast approaching, i can not help but wonder if the people i met here will remember me. did they learn something from me as much as i learned from them? in what way will they remember me? if we meet five to ten years from now, can they recognize me? i hope yes.


i started my journey almost seven months ago. with only determination and self-confidence, i travelled half the globe to study in USA. it was not my first time to come to the States so I was not that afraid. i was so thirtsy of independence then that i already set my mind that whatever happens to me will make me a better and stronger person. i anticipated challenges and planned what will i do if they come to me. I also programmed my mind that being a US government-sponsored-scholar will make my parents proud of me and with that their sacrifices will not be in vain.

it was not that easy for me at first but I can proudly say i survived. my friends here became my family. we eat lunch and dinner together and go out together. i love them so much. the laughs, the non-sense talks, the arguments and of course the friendship we shared will always be with me. i dont know if they will remember having someone named JAMALEAH BENITO once in their life but i can assure them they will never be forgotten.

but then, as time flies, everything will seem like a blur. i hope i am one of the unforgettables. i hope i wil not be put into oblivion. i hope i will not be a blur.

i am feeling so bad right now. this is the first time that i missed the eid'l adha prayer for the very lame reason of not having a mosque nearby. the nearest mosque near my achool is 18 miles away. i dont even know where it is and how to get there. the only thing i did after endlessly searching in google was cry. my conscience is really killing me. there are only two biggest events in islam. they are the two eid celebrations. i cant afford missing one of them.

i dont really know what's happening to me. after i had moved in to room 107, i started to change. i always miss the sobh prayer. i became very conscious of how i look. i always wanted to look good to the point that i became very maarte and started wearing make-up and not wearing my hijab properly. i know those may sound pointless to some people, but i just dont like the fact that i have changed not for the better buut for worse. had i known that i will change upon arriving here, i should have not accepted the scholarship grant.

i know i'm nagging like crazy. this may pass tomorrow. i may forget about this after eating chocolates. but i just want to unload this weight off my shoulders. May Allah continue to guide me. May HE not let my worldy desires overpower me.

obama 08

it's history! who would have thought america would elect a black president after being a white supremacist for so many centuries?

i am glad that i was a witness of that historical event. years and generations from now, 10-04-08 will be written in all history books as the day when barack hussein obama was elected as the 44th president of united states of america.

he is the change americans need and want. if we believe we can, yes we can.

nba: i love this game!

10- 19- 08. i will never forget this day. one of my long time dreams was finally fulfilled! alhamdulillah..

me and my co- UGRAD scholars went to see a live- nba game. it was not just another live- nba game. it was a game played by the 2008 nba champion- the BOSTON CELTICS!

i was in first year high school when i started having interest on nba. from then, i always watched play-offs and championship games. young and naive as i was, i kept on daydreaming that one day, i will see them play live. i always imagined that i would be sitting among the ecstatic fans and be one of them. meeting nba superstars, ordinary players and even bench warmers or just simply watching a live- nba game have become one of my fantasies. but never did I think that a tiny speck of these fantasies will soon become a reality.

a reality it became! prof. michael kilburn, dr. april burriss, xiaoting, max, victor and i watched a pre-season game between boston celtics and new jersey nets at td banknorth garden in boston. it started at 3:30 pm of 10-19-08 and ended at around 6:30 pm. obviously, the celtics crushed the nets with a 17- point lead. (83 - 66 in favor of celtics).

i saw the infamous nba players kevin garnett, paul pierce and rey allen. these three men are the dynamic trio that helped boston celtics won the 2007- 2008 nba championship crown. although they played for a limited time, i still had a chance to witness their skills and see theri faces for real. by the way, paul pierce is really handsome in person. the camera does not give justice to his looks.

anyway, i could not believe it! i saw them with my naked eyes. before, i could only see them in espn, solar sports and basketball tv. just hours ago, i was sitting inside the boston celtics home court with thousands of celtics fan. the feeling was euphoric! i was in cloud nine!

before the game started, i really wanted to scream because i could not contain my emotion. my co- ugrad scholars say, i looked so excited. excited only? that was an understatement. i was not excited. i was super duper to the highest level excited and happy.

i finally saw them. i finally watched a live- nba game. and not just an ordinary game. it was a game played by the champs.

T-G-I-F!!

i am a zombie. i have become a creature of the night. i go to bed at 12: 00 am at the earliest. my eyes are now bloodshot red. it's not because holloween is fast- approaching nor have i become a party animal. i just need to stay up late to do all my homeworks!

when i was in the philippines, the ONLY reasons i stay late at night are:

• movie marathon
• endless chikahan with my cousins and gal pals
• working on MAJOR papers at the eleventh hour

here, i always have to sacrifice my precious sleep to cope up with academic requirements. just like now. it's already 2:59 am and still, here i am inside the cyber cafe. alhamdulillah it's open 24/7. without it, i do not have an idea how am i gonna finish all my homeworks.

one of my tiresome homeworks that pump my eyebags is the shot- by- shot analysis in my media aethetics class. imagine, i have to describe shots from a movie in details. from the way they look on the screen to each body movement they make, i have to write them all in a way that my teacher is like watching the movie itself! it's insane man! i have never done something like this in my life. I end up, memorizing the shots on the bus scene (before Susan was shot) in the movie Babel because of my constant pause-rewind-play with it.

thank God it's friday. i am always looking forward for friday because it means REST. rest from being zombie and rest from academic requirements. it also means spending more time with my pillow and my bed and forgetting academic suicide. ALHAMDULILLAH ITS FRIDAY!!!! yahoooo!!!

my birthday: the US way

i was sad. my emotion was overpowering me. it was september 21 here. it was september 22 there. i wish i was with them. but i could only wish for more. i could do nothing about it.

i just had the most unique birthday in my life. i was so sad yet so happy. crazy isn't it? yeah, i really could not understand myself anymore after spending more than two weeks here. anyway, i spent my 20th birthday here in the cold city of beverly in massachusetts. i was so sad because as what i said, i was and still am away from my family and friends. that was my first ever birthday away from them.

i could have chosen to be happy, but i opted not to. what was there to celebrate when the most important people in your life are not there with you to greet you, hug you, kiss you or just be there with you? worse, my alarm clock did not work that resulted from me not being able to fast! darn! everything was conspiring against me. maybe that was the reason why i woke up on the 22nd with a heavy heart.

since all my classes are in the afternoon, i spent the morning at the library doing friendster. when i opened my account, i was so overwhelmed with the number of greetings! so they have not really forgotten about it after all? almost all of the people i terribly miss posted their greetings in my account. upon reading them, i nearly cried. the feelingwas really ecstatic! from simple "happy bday" to elaborate graphical comments- they unbelievably filled my comment section!

i suddenly forgot about the distance. i came to realize that those people may not be with me physically. i may not be able to touch them or even hug them. but their absence will never be felt because they will always be with me. i let them live here in my heart.

to all those who remembered my 20th birthday, all i can say is

SHUKRAN. TASHAKKUR. GRACIAS. GRAZIE. ARIGATO. MERCI. SALAMAT. THANK YOU.

jamaleah"jam"maling"laobenito

hearing a scandal....c;

i heard something yesterday! something really scary yet funny!

for someone who was never exposed to something carnal, my experience yesterday was a total shocker! i know this is what ching has been waiting for! ching para sayo tong post.hehe

this is the story: soo- jin, an international student from korea, complained days earlier that she heard "sex sounds" (as she would call it with her korean accent) coming from the room next to hers. she's an interior design major so she was always staying late every night doing her homework. the moaning sounds bothered her so she shared it with me and my roommate xiaoting.

this may sound so silly but i got so excited suddenly! i have never heard sounds of the likes, so i was hell curious to hear one. i told her the next time she hears something, she should inform me so i can hear it too!

my dreadful waiting finally came to an end last night. i just got out of the restroom when i saw xiaoting, and soo jin tiptoed out of our room to soo- jin's room. i instantly had an idea what was going on. burning with excitement and curiosity, i followed them. we were giggling while on our way so soo- jin hushed us.

and that very moment i heard what i was waiting to hear! the creaking of the bed, the whimper- like moaning of the girl and an unidentified sound from the guy. i was really trying so hard not laugh! we listen to it once more as the strange sounds became louder!

upon hearing the 'oh my god' from the girl, i could no longer suppress my laugh so i ran out of the room. there a few meters away from the source of the sex sounds, i burst to laughter!

so that was it was like? i could not describe it. it sounded funny and strange! it sounded as if the girl were in pain and could not breath..ahahahahaha! they could have put oil or lubricant so that the bed would not have to creak. they should have thought that the walls in Trexler Hall (our dorm's name) are not that thick, so they could consider doing their deed somewhere else.

i know that will be the first of the many scandalous things I will hear while I am here. all i can say is, nothing beats the first time. and oh, one more thing, i hope i did not disturb them when i laughed out loud few meters away from their room! *wink*smile*