i am feeling so bad right now. this is the first time that i missed the eid'l adha prayer for the very lame reason of not having a mosque nearby. the nearest mosque near my achool is 18 miles away. i dont even know where it is and how to get there. the only thing i did after endlessly searching in google was cry. my conscience is really killing me. there are only two biggest events in islam. they are the two eid celebrations. i cant afford missing one of them.

i dont really know what's happening to me. after i had moved in to room 107, i started to change. i always miss the sobh prayer. i became very conscious of how i look. i always wanted to look good to the point that i became very maarte and started wearing make-up and not wearing my hijab properly. i know those may sound pointless to some people, but i just dont like the fact that i have changed not for the better buut for worse. had i known that i will change upon arriving here, i should have not accepted the scholarship grant.

i know i'm nagging like crazy. this may pass tomorrow. i may forget about this after eating chocolates. but i just want to unload this weight off my shoulders. May Allah continue to guide me. May HE not let my worldy desires overpower me.