i am feeling so bad right now. this is the first time that i missed the eid'l adha prayer for the very lame reason of not having a mosque nearby. the nearest mosque near my achool is 18 miles away. i dont even know where it is and how to get there. the only thing i did after endlessly searching in google was cry. my conscience is really killing me. there are only two biggest events in islam. they are the two eid celebrations. i cant afford missing one of them.

i dont really know what's happening to me. after i had moved in to room 107, i started to change. i always miss the sobh prayer. i became very conscious of how i look. i always wanted to look good to the point that i became very maarte and started wearing make-up and not wearing my hijab properly. i know those may sound pointless to some people, but i just dont like the fact that i have changed not for the better buut for worse. had i known that i will change upon arriving here, i should have not accepted the scholarship grant.

i know i'm nagging like crazy. this may pass tomorrow. i may forget about this after eating chocolates. but i just want to unload this weight off my shoulders. May Allah continue to guide me. May HE not let my worldy desires overpower me.

obama 08

it's history! who would have thought america would elect a black president after being a white supremacist for so many centuries?

i am glad that i was a witness of that historical event. years and generations from now, 10-04-08 will be written in all history books as the day when barack hussein obama was elected as the 44th president of united states of america.

he is the change americans need and want. if we believe we can, yes we can.

nba: i love this game!

10- 19- 08. i will never forget this day. one of my long time dreams was finally fulfilled! alhamdulillah..

me and my co- UGRAD scholars went to see a live- nba game. it was not just another live- nba game. it was a game played by the 2008 nba champion- the BOSTON CELTICS!

i was in first year high school when i started having interest on nba. from then, i always watched play-offs and championship games. young and naive as i was, i kept on daydreaming that one day, i will see them play live. i always imagined that i would be sitting among the ecstatic fans and be one of them. meeting nba superstars, ordinary players and even bench warmers or just simply watching a live- nba game have become one of my fantasies. but never did I think that a tiny speck of these fantasies will soon become a reality.

a reality it became! prof. michael kilburn, dr. april burriss, xiaoting, max, victor and i watched a pre-season game between boston celtics and new jersey nets at td banknorth garden in boston. it started at 3:30 pm of 10-19-08 and ended at around 6:30 pm. obviously, the celtics crushed the nets with a 17- point lead. (83 - 66 in favor of celtics).

i saw the infamous nba players kevin garnett, paul pierce and rey allen. these three men are the dynamic trio that helped boston celtics won the 2007- 2008 nba championship crown. although they played for a limited time, i still had a chance to witness their skills and see theri faces for real. by the way, paul pierce is really handsome in person. the camera does not give justice to his looks.

anyway, i could not believe it! i saw them with my naked eyes. before, i could only see them in espn, solar sports and basketball tv. just hours ago, i was sitting inside the boston celtics home court with thousands of celtics fan. the feeling was euphoric! i was in cloud nine!

before the game started, i really wanted to scream because i could not contain my emotion. my co- ugrad scholars say, i looked so excited. excited only? that was an understatement. i was not excited. i was super duper to the highest level excited and happy.

i finally saw them. i finally watched a live- nba game. and not just an ordinary game. it was a game played by the champs.

T-G-I-F!!

i am a zombie. i have become a creature of the night. i go to bed at 12: 00 am at the earliest. my eyes are now bloodshot red. it's not because holloween is fast- approaching nor have i become a party animal. i just need to stay up late to do all my homeworks!

when i was in the philippines, the ONLY reasons i stay late at night are:

• movie marathon
• endless chikahan with my cousins and gal pals
• working on MAJOR papers at the eleventh hour

here, i always have to sacrifice my precious sleep to cope up with academic requirements. just like now. it's already 2:59 am and still, here i am inside the cyber cafe. alhamdulillah it's open 24/7. without it, i do not have an idea how am i gonna finish all my homeworks.

one of my tiresome homeworks that pump my eyebags is the shot- by- shot analysis in my media aethetics class. imagine, i have to describe shots from a movie in details. from the way they look on the screen to each body movement they make, i have to write them all in a way that my teacher is like watching the movie itself! it's insane man! i have never done something like this in my life. I end up, memorizing the shots on the bus scene (before Susan was shot) in the movie Babel because of my constant pause-rewind-play with it.

thank God it's friday. i am always looking forward for friday because it means REST. rest from being zombie and rest from academic requirements. it also means spending more time with my pillow and my bed and forgetting academic suicide. ALHAMDULILLAH ITS FRIDAY!!!! yahoooo!!!

my birthday: the US way

i was sad. my emotion was overpowering me. it was september 21 here. it was september 22 there. i wish i was with them. but i could only wish for more. i could do nothing about it.

i just had the most unique birthday in my life. i was so sad yet so happy. crazy isn't it? yeah, i really could not understand myself anymore after spending more than two weeks here. anyway, i spent my 20th birthday here in the cold city of beverly in massachusetts. i was so sad because as what i said, i was and still am away from my family and friends. that was my first ever birthday away from them.

i could have chosen to be happy, but i opted not to. what was there to celebrate when the most important people in your life are not there with you to greet you, hug you, kiss you or just be there with you? worse, my alarm clock did not work that resulted from me not being able to fast! darn! everything was conspiring against me. maybe that was the reason why i woke up on the 22nd with a heavy heart.

since all my classes are in the afternoon, i spent the morning at the library doing friendster. when i opened my account, i was so overwhelmed with the number of greetings! so they have not really forgotten about it after all? almost all of the people i terribly miss posted their greetings in my account. upon reading them, i nearly cried. the feelingwas really ecstatic! from simple "happy bday" to elaborate graphical comments- they unbelievably filled my comment section!

i suddenly forgot about the distance. i came to realize that those people may not be with me physically. i may not be able to touch them or even hug them. but their absence will never be felt because they will always be with me. i let them live here in my heart.

to all those who remembered my 20th birthday, all i can say is

SHUKRAN. TASHAKKUR. GRACIAS. GRAZIE. ARIGATO. MERCI. SALAMAT. THANK YOU.

jamaleah"jam"maling"laobenito

hearing a scandal....c;

i heard something yesterday! something really scary yet funny!

for someone who was never exposed to something carnal, my experience yesterday was a total shocker! i know this is what ching has been waiting for! ching para sayo tong post.hehe

this is the story: soo- jin, an international student from korea, complained days earlier that she heard "sex sounds" (as she would call it with her korean accent) coming from the room next to hers. she's an interior design major so she was always staying late every night doing her homework. the moaning sounds bothered her so she shared it with me and my roommate xiaoting.

this may sound so silly but i got so excited suddenly! i have never heard sounds of the likes, so i was hell curious to hear one. i told her the next time she hears something, she should inform me so i can hear it too!

my dreadful waiting finally came to an end last night. i just got out of the restroom when i saw xiaoting, and soo jin tiptoed out of our room to soo- jin's room. i instantly had an idea what was going on. burning with excitement and curiosity, i followed them. we were giggling while on our way so soo- jin hushed us.

and that very moment i heard what i was waiting to hear! the creaking of the bed, the whimper- like moaning of the girl and an unidentified sound from the guy. i was really trying so hard not laugh! we listen to it once more as the strange sounds became louder!

upon hearing the 'oh my god' from the girl, i could no longer suppress my laugh so i ran out of the room. there a few meters away from the source of the sex sounds, i burst to laughter!

so that was it was like? i could not describe it. it sounded funny and strange! it sounded as if the girl were in pain and could not breath..ahahahahaha! they could have put oil or lubricant so that the bed would not have to creak. they should have thought that the walls in Trexler Hall (our dorm's name) are not that thick, so they could consider doing their deed somewhere else.

i know that will be the first of the many scandalous things I will hear while I am here. all i can say is, nothing beats the first time. and oh, one more thing, i hope i did not disturb them when i laughed out loud few meters away from their room! *wink*smile*

mmk episode 1

its 09: 25 pm of september 18, 2008. i've been here for exactly 16 days- 16 long and cold days. i may sound so madrama or emotional. but who cares? i can always do whatever i want to do as long as i will not hurt anybody.

as my 20th birthday is approaching, i can not help but get sad. its my first ever birthday without my family kasi eh. i terribly miss them so much! i have not talked to them since i got here. neither have i heard their voice. i miss hearing their shouts, their thunderous laugh, their simple away- bati moments and even their pang-aasar. i miss everything about them!

there are no available pay phones inside the campus so i can not really call them. i wish i have my laptop computer so i can chat with them as long as i want to. but i can never have everything i want. so does everybody. i have to save money so that i can buy my computer. and that's exactly what i will do for the next months.

anyway, my senti moment was triggered when i received a text message from my mom in the philippines just minutes ago. she said

"advans hapi bday..hwag kalimutan magpray araw2. ung kombong hwag alisin..txt ka lagi pa2ng mo. ingat ka. siapan ka o allah"

upon typing this message, i am crying. maybe the guy seating next to me, thinks i am weird..hehe.. but anyone who is in my situation will do the same thing. sometimes, i am wondering if this scholarship program is really worth it. is gaining knowledge and having edge over everybody else is worth being away with the most important persons in my life? at this moment in my life, all i can think of is a big NO! but i am already here. there is no turning back. i must continue this journey. this is the price i have to pay for being ambisyosa..haha..

i must end my post here. i have to leave the library and face the ice- like coldness outside. if i will not leave now, it will be extra colder later. but the coldness outside is nothing compared to the coldness i am feeling inside...


i miss you omi, kuya ajid, miray, amni, jalal, hanzalah and isah...

maranao pride

i have never been proud of being maranao as i am today!! i ususally do not like some principles that guide the maranao culture . rido and maratabat are some, to name a few. but today, right here in the United States of America, i would not trade my ethnicity for anything else in the world!


my being MARANAO made me a shoulder above than everybody else!! during our school's convocation program, we were required to wear proper dress. i did not bring one with me. since it's a requirement for all incoming students, i was forced to attend wearing a traditional maranao attire..yeah, nakakahiya at first because i look veeeeery different from the rest. and they were all looking at me..you know naman me, i'm not fond of attention..


i was walking slowly with my head down. max, the UGRAD scholar from thailand kept on saying its okey and it's not really embarrassing. i said to myself.. "hey, you're not the one who's getting all the attention!" i walked straight without looking anyone in the eye..when i found my seat, i sat up staright looked at the stage as if i was the only person inside the auditorium.


when the program was done, the teachers came to me and said I looked beautiful in my dress. yeah you heard it right! they can't get enough of my dress..hehe..they love my maranao costume especially my fan. they kept on asking me about my dress. i proudly answered them that it's a traditional dress and the fan is handmade courtesy of my two supah lovely sisters. they were so amazed with my dress, my Maranao dress! Dr. April Burriss and Claudia Ortiz, the Dean and the Student Coordinator of the School of International Students respectively, were astounded with my dress that they took pictures of me with them. Dr. Burriss even made jokes that she will steal my fan. I can read between her lines that she was asking for my fan..feeling artista tuloy ako..but i ignored her pagpaparinig because i know i will use my handmade fan here in the future


that made me realize that i should have walked at the auditorium not feeling bad about the dress i wore. that i should have dealt with it more confidently. i am the sole female representative of my culture to the Global UGRAD exchange program. they chose me because they know i can represent my culture to the US very well. thus, i am an unofficial ambassadress of lanao del sur, the philippines as a whole and their culture and traditions to the US.


i will handle the next program (if meron) in a much different way. itatayo ko ang bandila ng mga maranao dito sa estados unidos inshaallah!

confessions

dear everyone,
this is my confession: i have not been fasting since i arrived here. and that's two freaking days! my meal plan is not yet set! how can i fast if i don't have foods?! i could not even buy some beacuse there are no shopping malls nearby!

upon reading rash's blog (21st century nomad), my tears immediately fell. i wish i could be like him. i wish i could meet someone who share the same faith sa i am. i wish i did fast upon my arrival. i know upon confessing my sins, a lot of people will not understand and hate me. i will humbly accept all their ridicule. i will humbly accept all their atrocities. besides, i can not blame them. I did something very unthinkable and unforgivable!

i am wondering why do i have to tell evryone about this? maybe because i need people to get mad at me. i need them para konsensyahin ako. by doing such my conscience would not kill me anymore. maybe it would leave me alone in the night so i could go to sleep very peacefully...

i am pleading for your prayers. i hope i will be able to survive the catastrophe i am going through. please i am begging for your prayers!!!!

my trip

after flying over 10, 000 kilometers, i am finally here in the United States of America!!! exciting as it may seem, but this honeymoon stage will soon be over. i was and still am sad that i am very far from the important people of my life. the most depressing thing is, it seems like i'm the only muslim in my school! i am the only one wearing veil and there is no masjid nearby! i know it will be hard to observe Ramadhan here, but i did not think it will be this hard.

the sun sets at about 8:30 in the evening, so i really have to stretch my endurance for hunger. believe me, i am the only one wearing veil!!! i guess this is one of the challenges i have to face upon choosing this path. after all, we are free to choose our actions but we will never be free to choose its consequences.

A HERO WITHIN US

Everyone is a hero in their own little way. As the song Hero by Mariah Carey goes… “There’s a hero, if you look inside yourself, you don’t have to be afraid of who you are… There’s a hero lies in you, with the strength to carry on, when you cast your fears aside, you know you can survive…” It states the universal truth that every human being is born with heroic potentials. There is a Batman, a Superman, a Wonder woman and even a Darna within us that needs to be awakened. They are with us when we were born.

It is this inherent potential in us that makes a lot of other common people great. Heroes need not to have bulky muscles or muscular body and clad in super tight breeches with cape. You can actually see them everyday in a t- shirt and jeans perhaps.

A mother enduring sleepless nights to watch her baby to sleep, a father sweating profusely abroad to feed his kids’ empty stomach, a fire fighter putting out fire to save properties and lives, a teacher endlessly drafting her lesson plans to make other professions possible, a journalist informing the public through write- ups and broadcasts, a farmer tilling lands in the sun to feed the nation, a metro aide sweeping the streets to maintain cleanliness, a boxer fighting for the country’s honor and pride, a commoner whistle blowing anomalies after anomalies, a poll watcher guarding ballot boxes to ensure clean and honest election, a child studying hard and burning eyebrows to have a better future and a lot even more. These are the many faces of a hero.

We do not have to wait for another destructive typhoon to hit our communities nor another armed revolution to liberate us from colonizers or oppressors. It is those thousand little good things that we do, and most of the time, go unnoticed that make us as such. It is these things that define us. It is these unnoticed little things that matter most. These are the beautiful things that only the eyes of heart can see. Indeed, everyone is a hero in their own little way.

Worst Week of My Life

This is probably the worst week of my life. Just like Lemony Snickett’s Series of Unfortunate Events, series of unfortunate events happened to me this very week. First, I lots my precious phone. Though it is a vintage model (nokia 1100), it played a very important role in my day-to-day life. It has all my contacts and it’s not really me memorizing contact numbers. I practically lost one of my senses when I could not find it in my pocket. It’s not just a communication device. It’s a watch, a daily planner, a cell phone and an alarm clock rolled into one.

Now, I have like zillion requirements to pass and deadliest deadlines to meet just because I habitually postponed them over the weekends. I do not know anymore if I will still have the energy to submit them on time. My professors are giving too many requirements… one particular professor of mine required us to make a magazine output. Doesn’t she know that we only have a remaining week or two to have classes? What I she requires of us is certainly an academic suicide...

I have this craving for foods especially sweets. I am actually starting to overeat. I should be more disciplined because in March 22, I have to attend to my cousin’s wedding. If fate will be cruel to me, the dress I ordered will not fit me sooner or later.

While watching Rated K yesterday, I saw AAT (my crush) and his family. It irked me that his wife is not as beautiful as I expected her to be and yet he loves her so much. I also got really turned off to AAT because of his inability to convert his ugly wife to Islam. Ayaw ko na sa kanya! Di niya kayang icontrol ang asawa niyang pangit!!! ( sounds bitter noh?)

Divorce: A Moro’s Woman’s Perspective

I am a Muslim lady living in a predominantly Christian country - Philippines. As such, I have the privilege to follow both the Philippine laws and the Islamic laws named Shari’ah law. There are instances that these two laws are in contradiction. One of which is the legality of divorce.

Divorce is permitted in the Shari’ah law but not in the Philippine law. In the Philippines, we only have annulment and legal separation to legally dissolve and nullify marriage. The former is a very tedious process that demands a great deal of money and effort and can even go on for an eternity. The latter on the other hand is a temporary separation which does not guarantee complete freedom. I strongly believe that it is about time for divorce to be legalized in our country if and only if the grounds are justifiable and strong enough such as battery, negligence of either or both sides, incapacity in all forms, concubinage and adultery.

First, why does the couple have to prolong their and their kids’ agony and continue to roast themselves in their own hell? Why do they have to stay in hell when they can reach heaven? Why do they have to continue being married when it brings nothing but the worst in them?

Let us take battery as an example. Some people who are against divorce are claiming that having separated parents will definitely have negative psychological effects on their kids. But do constant, regular and habitual brawls and fights or worse physical violence not have psychological drawbacks on them? Exposure to physical and verbal abuse will undoubtedly make the, emotionally unstable and traumatized.

Second, no offense meant my Christian brothers and sisters; it is a known fact that divorce is not legal here for a mere reason the Philippines is a predominantly Christian country. And divorce is against Christian teachings right? But let us take a look at Spain and Italy. These countries are shelter of the Christian faith, but divorce is legal in them. So, I really can not see a logical reason why should the Philippines not do the same thing and legalize divorce?

I completely understand that the Filipinos are afraid of the possible proliferation of the Britney Spears- like wedding which lasted for only 24 hours. But we have to see the brighter side of the coin. We have to consider a lot more important grounds than just an isolated case of a very short- lived marriage.

Last, we live in a real not ideal world. Ideally speaking, one should not say the marital vows if one is not emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually and financially prepared. But the reality is, a lot of people commit the mistake of saying “I do”. A lot even more are forced into it, either by parental, peer or their partner’s pressure. So, why not give them the chance to correct their mistake and liberate them from the shackles that will eventually destroy their and their children’s lives. In these modern days, it is not really bad to be idealistic. But it is far better to be realistic.

I hope a lot of people will come to their sense and realize that it is time to legalize divorce in the Philippines.

inspirational qoutes

In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.Galileo Galilei

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life Winston Churchill

Play for more than you can afford tolose and you will learn the game.Winston Churchill

Patience and the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.Chinese Proverb

Never say more than is necessary.Richard Brinsley SheridanYou must be the change you wish to see in the world.Mahatma Ghandi

There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him it is right....Martin Luther

That which does not kill you makes you stronger.Neitzsche

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.Chinese Proverb

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.Albert Einstein

We always strive after what is forbidden, and desire the things refused us.Ovid

The Athenians, alarmed at the internal decay of their Republic, asked Demosthenes what to do. His reply: "Do not do what you are doing now."Joseph Ray

If you don't know where you are going,you'll end up some place else.Yogi Berra

When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.Helen Keller

There is time for everything.Thomas A. Edison

Every generation laughs at the old fashions,but religiously follows the new.Henry David Thoreau

I demolish my bridges behind me...then there is no choice but to move forward.Firdtjof Nansen

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.Ralph Waldo Emerson

The worst thing you can try to do is cling to something that is gone, or to recreate it.Johnette Napolitano

You cannot step twice into the same river, for other waters are continually flowing on.Heraclitus

Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them.Leo Tolstoy

The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.Bernard M. Baruch

The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.Richard Cech

Imagination is more important than knowledge.Albert Einstein

We don't live in a world of reality,we live in a world of perceptions.Gerald J. Simmons

The first and greatest commandment is,Don't let them scare you.Elmer Davis

US Troops Out Now!!!!

Students to Balikatan Exercises in Lanao: We love Mindanao, US Troops Out Now

US Troops Out Now! Lanao Coalition
Monday, 18 February 2008 07:30

ILIGAN CITY (US Troops Out Now! Lanao Coalition) -- Chants, flags, anti-balikatan placards and love for the country filled the campus of the Mindanao State University-Iligan Institute of Technology (MSU-IIT) late afternoon yesterday as students culminated the week-long “five o’clock habit” through a march from the College of Arts and Sciences Building inside the campus up to the University gate where they hold a rally and signature campaign calling for the scrapping of the VFA and the stopping of the Balikatan Exercises in the country.

The five-day “Five o’clock habit” which started February 11 is a protest action every 5pm by the students under the League of Filipino Students (LFS), College Editors Guild of the Philippines (CEGP) and Liga ng Kabataang Moro (LKM) in MSU-IIT versus the upcoming RP-US Joint Military Exercises in the provinces of Lanao come February 18 to March 3 this year.

Yesterday, they were joined by members of MSU-IIT Muslim Students Association (MIMSA) and the Historical Society in lighting protest candles at the pathways of the entrance gate. Historical Society was the sponsor of the popular February 13 Forum where an Army Major spying on and harassing the activity was booed by the students.

“We don’t need US troops in the Philippines. We are disappointed with the government who keeps the war posturing while playing deaf to the students clamouring for an increased education budget,” said Alyssa Joy Aldojesa, Chair of LFS-MSU-IIT. Last year, the government added PhP 1 Billion to the military budget to ‘boost the fighting and intelligence capacity’ of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, at the expense of social services, including education.

Chanting “may pera sa gyera, wala sa eskwela”, LFS emphasized that the war bravado of Mrs. Arroyo, including the frequent Balikatan Exercises, is too far the answer for a commercialized, colonial and repressive education.

In MSU main Campus of the Islamic City of Marawi, the LKM chapter here will join the students’ rally at the campus Peace Plaza 1pm today. LKM-MSU-Main Chair Aida Ibrahim said the activity will expose to the public the double-faced character of Balikatan exercises, and the real motives of the US government and troops in coming to Lanao.

The student groups are expected to join the Mindanao People’s Caravan and March for Sovereignty, Justice and Peace to Cagayan de Oro City tomorrow. (US Troops Out Now-Lanao Coalition)16 February 2008

For reference: Kristian Mark Urbano, Public Information Officer

i got this article at http://www.mindanews.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3860&Itemid=247

the guy i want to meet

JOSHUA DANIEL HARTNETT