mmk episode 1

its 09: 25 pm of september 18, 2008. i've been here for exactly 16 days- 16 long and cold days. i may sound so madrama or emotional. but who cares? i can always do whatever i want to do as long as i will not hurt anybody.

as my 20th birthday is approaching, i can not help but get sad. its my first ever birthday without my family kasi eh. i terribly miss them so much! i have not talked to them since i got here. neither have i heard their voice. i miss hearing their shouts, their thunderous laugh, their simple away- bati moments and even their pang-aasar. i miss everything about them!

there are no available pay phones inside the campus so i can not really call them. i wish i have my laptop computer so i can chat with them as long as i want to. but i can never have everything i want. so does everybody. i have to save money so that i can buy my computer. and that's exactly what i will do for the next months.

anyway, my senti moment was triggered when i received a text message from my mom in the philippines just minutes ago. she said

"advans hapi bday..hwag kalimutan magpray araw2. ung kombong hwag alisin..txt ka lagi pa2ng mo. ingat ka. siapan ka o allah"

upon typing this message, i am crying. maybe the guy seating next to me, thinks i am weird..hehe.. but anyone who is in my situation will do the same thing. sometimes, i am wondering if this scholarship program is really worth it. is gaining knowledge and having edge over everybody else is worth being away with the most important persons in my life? at this moment in my life, all i can think of is a big NO! but i am already here. there is no turning back. i must continue this journey. this is the price i have to pay for being ambisyosa..haha..

i must end my post here. i have to leave the library and face the ice- like coldness outside. if i will not leave now, it will be extra colder later. but the coldness outside is nothing compared to the coldness i am feeling inside...


i miss you omi, kuya ajid, miray, amni, jalal, hanzalah and isah...