my birthday: the US way

i was sad. my emotion was overpowering me. it was september 21 here. it was september 22 there. i wish i was with them. but i could only wish for more. i could do nothing about it.

i just had the most unique birthday in my life. i was so sad yet so happy. crazy isn't it? yeah, i really could not understand myself anymore after spending more than two weeks here. anyway, i spent my 20th birthday here in the cold city of beverly in massachusetts. i was so sad because as what i said, i was and still am away from my family and friends. that was my first ever birthday away from them.

i could have chosen to be happy, but i opted not to. what was there to celebrate when the most important people in your life are not there with you to greet you, hug you, kiss you or just be there with you? worse, my alarm clock did not work that resulted from me not being able to fast! darn! everything was conspiring against me. maybe that was the reason why i woke up on the 22nd with a heavy heart.

since all my classes are in the afternoon, i spent the morning at the library doing friendster. when i opened my account, i was so overwhelmed with the number of greetings! so they have not really forgotten about it after all? almost all of the people i terribly miss posted their greetings in my account. upon reading them, i nearly cried. the feelingwas really ecstatic! from simple "happy bday" to elaborate graphical comments- they unbelievably filled my comment section!

i suddenly forgot about the distance. i came to realize that those people may not be with me physically. i may not be able to touch them or even hug them. but their absence will never be felt because they will always be with me. i let them live here in my heart.

to all those who remembered my 20th birthday, all i can say is

SHUKRAN. TASHAKKUR. GRACIAS. GRAZIE. ARIGATO. MERCI. SALAMAT. THANK YOU.

jamaleah"jam"maling"laobenito

hearing a scandal....c;

i heard something yesterday! something really scary yet funny!

for someone who was never exposed to something carnal, my experience yesterday was a total shocker! i know this is what ching has been waiting for! ching para sayo tong post.hehe

this is the story: soo- jin, an international student from korea, complained days earlier that she heard "sex sounds" (as she would call it with her korean accent) coming from the room next to hers. she's an interior design major so she was always staying late every night doing her homework. the moaning sounds bothered her so she shared it with me and my roommate xiaoting.

this may sound so silly but i got so excited suddenly! i have never heard sounds of the likes, so i was hell curious to hear one. i told her the next time she hears something, she should inform me so i can hear it too!

my dreadful waiting finally came to an end last night. i just got out of the restroom when i saw xiaoting, and soo jin tiptoed out of our room to soo- jin's room. i instantly had an idea what was going on. burning with excitement and curiosity, i followed them. we were giggling while on our way so soo- jin hushed us.

and that very moment i heard what i was waiting to hear! the creaking of the bed, the whimper- like moaning of the girl and an unidentified sound from the guy. i was really trying so hard not laugh! we listen to it once more as the strange sounds became louder!

upon hearing the 'oh my god' from the girl, i could no longer suppress my laugh so i ran out of the room. there a few meters away from the source of the sex sounds, i burst to laughter!

so that was it was like? i could not describe it. it sounded funny and strange! it sounded as if the girl were in pain and could not breath..ahahahahaha! they could have put oil or lubricant so that the bed would not have to creak. they should have thought that the walls in Trexler Hall (our dorm's name) are not that thick, so they could consider doing their deed somewhere else.

i know that will be the first of the many scandalous things I will hear while I am here. all i can say is, nothing beats the first time. and oh, one more thing, i hope i did not disturb them when i laughed out loud few meters away from their room! *wink*smile*

mmk episode 1

its 09: 25 pm of september 18, 2008. i've been here for exactly 16 days- 16 long and cold days. i may sound so madrama or emotional. but who cares? i can always do whatever i want to do as long as i will not hurt anybody.

as my 20th birthday is approaching, i can not help but get sad. its my first ever birthday without my family kasi eh. i terribly miss them so much! i have not talked to them since i got here. neither have i heard their voice. i miss hearing their shouts, their thunderous laugh, their simple away- bati moments and even their pang-aasar. i miss everything about them!

there are no available pay phones inside the campus so i can not really call them. i wish i have my laptop computer so i can chat with them as long as i want to. but i can never have everything i want. so does everybody. i have to save money so that i can buy my computer. and that's exactly what i will do for the next months.

anyway, my senti moment was triggered when i received a text message from my mom in the philippines just minutes ago. she said

"advans hapi bday..hwag kalimutan magpray araw2. ung kombong hwag alisin..txt ka lagi pa2ng mo. ingat ka. siapan ka o allah"

upon typing this message, i am crying. maybe the guy seating next to me, thinks i am weird..hehe.. but anyone who is in my situation will do the same thing. sometimes, i am wondering if this scholarship program is really worth it. is gaining knowledge and having edge over everybody else is worth being away with the most important persons in my life? at this moment in my life, all i can think of is a big NO! but i am already here. there is no turning back. i must continue this journey. this is the price i have to pay for being ambisyosa..haha..

i must end my post here. i have to leave the library and face the ice- like coldness outside. if i will not leave now, it will be extra colder later. but the coldness outside is nothing compared to the coldness i am feeling inside...


i miss you omi, kuya ajid, miray, amni, jalal, hanzalah and isah...

maranao pride

i have never been proud of being maranao as i am today!! i ususally do not like some principles that guide the maranao culture . rido and maratabat are some, to name a few. but today, right here in the United States of America, i would not trade my ethnicity for anything else in the world!


my being MARANAO made me a shoulder above than everybody else!! during our school's convocation program, we were required to wear proper dress. i did not bring one with me. since it's a requirement for all incoming students, i was forced to attend wearing a traditional maranao attire..yeah, nakakahiya at first because i look veeeeery different from the rest. and they were all looking at me..you know naman me, i'm not fond of attention..


i was walking slowly with my head down. max, the UGRAD scholar from thailand kept on saying its okey and it's not really embarrassing. i said to myself.. "hey, you're not the one who's getting all the attention!" i walked straight without looking anyone in the eye..when i found my seat, i sat up staright looked at the stage as if i was the only person inside the auditorium.


when the program was done, the teachers came to me and said I looked beautiful in my dress. yeah you heard it right! they can't get enough of my dress..hehe..they love my maranao costume especially my fan. they kept on asking me about my dress. i proudly answered them that it's a traditional dress and the fan is handmade courtesy of my two supah lovely sisters. they were so amazed with my dress, my Maranao dress! Dr. April Burriss and Claudia Ortiz, the Dean and the Student Coordinator of the School of International Students respectively, were astounded with my dress that they took pictures of me with them. Dr. Burriss even made jokes that she will steal my fan. I can read between her lines that she was asking for my fan..feeling artista tuloy ako..but i ignored her pagpaparinig because i know i will use my handmade fan here in the future


that made me realize that i should have walked at the auditorium not feeling bad about the dress i wore. that i should have dealt with it more confidently. i am the sole female representative of my culture to the Global UGRAD exchange program. they chose me because they know i can represent my culture to the US very well. thus, i am an unofficial ambassadress of lanao del sur, the philippines as a whole and their culture and traditions to the US.


i will handle the next program (if meron) in a much different way. itatayo ko ang bandila ng mga maranao dito sa estados unidos inshaallah!

confessions

dear everyone,
this is my confession: i have not been fasting since i arrived here. and that's two freaking days! my meal plan is not yet set! how can i fast if i don't have foods?! i could not even buy some beacuse there are no shopping malls nearby!

upon reading rash's blog (21st century nomad), my tears immediately fell. i wish i could be like him. i wish i could meet someone who share the same faith sa i am. i wish i did fast upon my arrival. i know upon confessing my sins, a lot of people will not understand and hate me. i will humbly accept all their ridicule. i will humbly accept all their atrocities. besides, i can not blame them. I did something very unthinkable and unforgivable!

i am wondering why do i have to tell evryone about this? maybe because i need people to get mad at me. i need them para konsensyahin ako. by doing such my conscience would not kill me anymore. maybe it would leave me alone in the night so i could go to sleep very peacefully...

i am pleading for your prayers. i hope i will be able to survive the catastrophe i am going through. please i am begging for your prayers!!!!

my trip

after flying over 10, 000 kilometers, i am finally here in the United States of America!!! exciting as it may seem, but this honeymoon stage will soon be over. i was and still am sad that i am very far from the important people of my life. the most depressing thing is, it seems like i'm the only muslim in my school! i am the only one wearing veil and there is no masjid nearby! i know it will be hard to observe Ramadhan here, but i did not think it will be this hard.

the sun sets at about 8:30 in the evening, so i really have to stretch my endurance for hunger. believe me, i am the only one wearing veil!!! i guess this is one of the challenges i have to face upon choosing this path. after all, we are free to choose our actions but we will never be free to choose its consequences.